Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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