my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
420 ftw
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
