This is not my ceiling
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize