Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
