sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
