Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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