Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
