Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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