My nipple is on Facebook.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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