i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
