Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
