good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
