Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
