soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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