Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
