come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
