last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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