girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
