I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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