Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
