You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
