Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
