just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize