It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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