Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
