you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
