god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
