I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
