We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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