oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
