i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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