true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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