My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize