just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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