How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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