I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
