I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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