Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
