Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
