Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
