Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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