I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
