Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
