In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
