He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
