3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
