dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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