TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
