I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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