I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
