i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
