Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
