"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
two words: eviction party
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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