rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
