he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
