I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
