I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
