i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
home. puking in laundry basket.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
