I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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