My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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