wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
