i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
