What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just blew my weed a kiss
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
