trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
