"it" just moved
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
