I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A+ Viking dick
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
