I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will be naked everywhere
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
FUCK WHALES
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
