you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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