I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
