Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
