vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
