Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
