u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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