a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
