This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
