Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
