you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
