So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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