I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
