haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
